I wasn’t cut out for this.
I’m pretty sure i’d wait forever if you asked me to. But the problem at this point is.. you’re not asking me to. Well, you do some days, but other days you announce a new girl you’re hanging out with, or a new girl you like. And of course i’d support you, but one of my best friends told me that i need to make sure i’m not completely drowned by this relationship. That i at least always have my head over the water so i can breathe without you. I can’t. I never will be able to. You’re my forever.
Oh high school. There’s love, sex, drugs, work, family problems, relationship problems, personal problems, growing up, becoming mature, drastically changing, and watching others change. The least important is grades to most. Why is that? Why is high school like eHarmony? We were taught when we were little that we go to school to learn so we can grow up and be doctors and lawyers and share our great minds with the world. But upon entering high school we are taught that this is the place where we should experiment, have fun, and not worry so much; share our great bodies with the world. Sometimes i feel like my love capacity, or my mind, is above the years i’ve lived. Which is silly, and maybe i’m not the only person that feels that way, but i just think that maybe the love that i expect out of others, the love that everyone is constantly searching for, is not going to happen to me during high school.
Maybe i’m too hard on myself. As most teenagers are. We expect too much out of ourselves, and out of others. And damn this sounds repetitive, for those of you who read my silly words and rants, but why can’t i just be honest with everyone? I’ve taken to laying low for the rest of the year. Laying low leads to less drama, and i am learning to stand on my own, finally.
I overuse commas. When i close my eyes i see blue. I cannot sleep with socks. I’m allergic to most types of earrings. I like stickers and often try to find one that will fit on my phone to no avail. I dislike jewelry unless it’s earrings. I hate the sound of phones, so my phone has been on vibrate since the day i got it. I love showing other people the music i listen to, but have recently stopped because i get really strangely affected when people don’t appreciate my music. I get tired around 8 but can’t sleep without having a long goodbye with you. I am horribly allergic to dairy, but i refuse to ever stop eating it. I wish i didn’t bite my nails so i could paint them more. I used to want to pursue a career in drawing, i can’t draw for beans. I hate lamps. Cashews are the bomb. I don’t like animal print. I’m secretly intensely involved in saving this earth, though it may not seem like much to anyone else. I don’t remember ANY of 6th grade. I always have at least four tissues in my pocket. I care very much about school, i’ve just gotten dramatically more lazy. I collect pictures i find on TUMBLR.
Those are my imperfections. What are yours?
Currently Listening To : You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground, i’ll be the wings that keep your heart in the clouds by Mayday Parade.
We’re not TAUGHT any of that stuff, we’re influenced by our peers into believing that. I don’t think I’ve ever heard a teacher encouraging experimentation or promiscuity. Often the problem is people try to find meaning where there is no meaning. They think there must be something deeper to this highschool experience then just learning stuff, when in all actuality there isn’t. Everything seems so important when you start out, you slowly learn however its not. The only thing that REALLY matters is grades. The rest is all just there for your enjoyment. Stop trying to find your place in the school, and create your place.
This is who I am.
This is what I do.
Now, what is it that I can do for you.
Everything isn’t going to fall into line for you, this isn’t Degrassi. If you have a problem that you want gone, you have to find it’s solution.
